so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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