tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
