I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
