i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
