What a fucking waste of an outfit
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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