OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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