Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
