There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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