from now on my penis is your penis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
