he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize