my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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