My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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