remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just googled if crying burns calories
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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