what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
