How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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