Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
