I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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