Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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