You really coming over, don't trick.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
