i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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