did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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