his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
