And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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