Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
