help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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