He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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