quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
