Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
