my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
