Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Small penises have feelings too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
