hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
