I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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