his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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