Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize