it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
