grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I puked a lego.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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