as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you.
Bad choice
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
