I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
