You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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