no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize