remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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