What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
