He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
