Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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