well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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