In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
