we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
