u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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