just tell him i said nine months
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
