I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
