I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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