I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
