wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
