My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
