I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
