I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I understand Curling. That high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
