I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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