You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
