You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize