i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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