There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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