I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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