bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
