I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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