I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
