It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
