Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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