I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
