I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
