shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
