You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
