What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
